I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
