I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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