no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
