oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
