Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
