dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
tell me about the fingering
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
