Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
