Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize