Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
