My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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