she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
