my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
