how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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