Betty ford says i'm here all night
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Randomize
