How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
