If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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