highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
