I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
please come you make the beer taste better
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
