GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
