I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
