So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
