Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize
