I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
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