I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize