from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
