We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
