I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize