____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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