this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
