Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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