what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
