I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize