i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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