so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
