i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
