My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
