don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
