I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
