After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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