friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize