You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
