There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
