I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
