He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
