I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
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