Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
