So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
