Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
