Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
