they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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