This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
