we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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