you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
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