I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize