Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
