so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
