Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
