im gay
i know
yea but for you.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
