Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
