Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
