First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
