So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I will pee on everything he values.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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