Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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