She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
