In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize