We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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