its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
