I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
