I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize