No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
