It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
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