We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
