direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
