3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
