My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
