i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
