it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
