Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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