yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
