The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
